Health Issues- IM BACK!

Hello everyone! Sorry for such a long break! I have been dealing with some health issues, and thought what better way to document them then on here? I have Endometriosis- severe Endometriosis. It's painful, exhausting, and life altering. I am preparing for my 3rd surgery in Feb and excited to start some fertility treatment in April or May! I'll detail more about my health adventures later. Here is a letter I wrote to my Endo. Dear Stupid $*#&@, Yes, I am talking to you Endometriosis. No, you know what? Since you have decided to invade my body WITHOUT my permission we are on a “nickname” basis. Therefore I am going to refer to you as Endo. Since you have decided to find shelter within my body I thought it would be a great idea if you got to know me better. The Nicole that co-workers, acquaintances, and some friends get to see is an energetic, bubbly, outgoing, caring, 23 year old woman. But the Nicole that I live with everyday, the Nicole that my future husband, family, and close friends has to deal with is very different from that of an energetic and bubbly, young woman. The real Nicole is this: I press snooze about four times before opening my eyes and dragging my feet out of bed. I ask myself every morning “can I make it through work today?” The majority of the time my answer is “yes”. Occasionally I call in sick to work and worry all day about getting fired over missing random days. The days I do make it to work I am so tired that I take a 15 minute nap in my car before the day has even begun. Instead of eating on my lunch hour like a normal person I use that time to take yet another nap in my car. By the time the day is over and I make it home I am so exhausted I resort to cereal for dinner, I’ve started showering every other day because the sheer thought of blow drying my hair is exhausting. I watch maybe an hour of TV before I pass out at around 8:30. You’re probably thinking so what, you suffer from low energy. WRONG! I am suffering from you, Endo. Not only have you disrupted and stolen normalcy from my daily routine but you have stolen my ovary (along with any potential children that may have resulted from it), my energy, my positive attitude, treasured moments with family and friends, but most of all you have stolen my concept of what a normal and pain free life feels like. No, I cannot physically see you. No, I do not look physically ill. No, you will not kill me. But that doesn’t mean that you aren’t there. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel you and think about you every single day. You live your life and progress as aggressively or slowly as you please. Unfortunately the universe doesn’t work that way for me. Choices I once thought I could make on my own time are no longer mine to make. I can no longer say “I would like to wait until 30 to have children”, instead being diagnosed with stage 4 Endo forces to me to start having children within the next six to twelve months, or I’ll be dealing with even bigger fertility issues. It forces me to think about alternative options for having children. Although I would like to blame my ten years of misery on you- that would just not be fair. I have doctors to blame as well. Why didn’t they ever suggest the possibility of Endometriosis? Why was it that when I went to see an Endometriosis specialist he completely brushed off my symptoms and dismissed the possibility of such a disease? I presented all the classic symptoms: pelvic pain, lengthy periods, extremely painful and heavy periods, pain during ovulation, etc. Yet you still went undetected and they chalked up to “that’s just how your body is.” It’s really too late in the game for me to even complain. I just wish that someone would have caught these symptoms earlier. I wish there was better technology to detect Endometriosis, and I wish that there was more education on such a devastating disease. Yes, I used the word devastating because that is exactly what it is. It’s a silent war taking place my body that only I can feel and explain. Endo, I am here to tell you that you may have gotten a hold of my body, you may have taken away good years from my life, but now I know. Now I know that you are there and we are going to have to learn to get along because you are going to be there for the rest of my life. But I want to let you know that starting today I am making it my personal goal to educate women on this disease and on the symptoms the disease presents. I am going to encourage women to trust their instincts, and to push for more proactive doctors, and better technology to detect you. You may get a hold of some women’s bodies but you will not destroy them like you did mine. They will find you before you get the chance.